Dear Valentine
by acciodanrad9
Summary: "Write to him, tell him what you need to tell him. Bring yourself some peace."


**Disclaimer: **_Characters are not mine, unfortunately._

* * *

**Dear Valentine**

Natalie watched through the living room window as snowflakes fluttered to the ground. After a while, she tore her gaze away from the snow to glance down at the cup of hot chocolate she was holding. She watched as steam rose from the cup and quickly disappeared into nothingness.

"Natalie?" At her mom's voice, she turned around, eyes not leaving the rim of her cup.

"Hi," she said, busying herself by blowing on the steam, watching it disappear even faster.

"What are you thinking about?" asked her mom quietly.

Natalie finally took a sip from her cup, giving a small shrug while doing so. "Nothing…really." She swallowed away the lump that was in her throat.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"

The lump came back quickly, as well as a new intense prickling sensation behind her eyes. She turned around to face the window again. She stood so close that her nose was almost touching; her breath warmed the window with a foggy cloud. She watched, enraptured, as a single snowflake landed on the window; slowly, she brought her finger to touch the glass where it had landed, but too soon it was gone.

A tear fell down her cheek, and she leaned her forehead against the cold window, squeezing her eyes shut. "I just can't stop thinking about…him. I don't know why. It's Valentine's Day and I just want to talk to him, just _talk_." She breathed in deeply, pivoting around to face her mom again. "I just miss him."

Her mom walked over to her, took the cup out of her hands, before gently kissing her on the forehead. "I know, sweetie." Another tear slid down Natalie's cheek, and her mom gently wiped it away with her thumb. "I have an idea."

Grabbing her hand, she was led into her father's study. Her mom motioned for her to sit down in his chair, and in front of her she placed a piece of paper and a pen. "Write to him, tell him what you need to tell him. Bring yourself some peace."

* * *

_Dear Valentine,_

_I'm writing you this letter, Keith, because someone told me it might bring me some peace. I have so many things I want to tell you, need to tell you. I just want to talk to you, and I know no matter what you'll listen._

_Keith, I miss your laugh, your voice, your crooked smile. I miss feeling safe in your arms. I miss the blissful calm that surrounded me after we made love. _

_Simply put, Keith, I still miss you._

_It's almost been nine months since you've died, and still every single day I wake up I think about you. Some days, it hurts to think about you. There's a void in my heart, and I want so much for it to be filled, but I know the only way it can be is if you were here, with me. I will always carry around that void. Some days all I can think of is what we had—what we could've had._

_Do you remember our last day? How we spent it just talking? Those last moments, they meant everything to me, and still do. I don't know if you realized it at the time, but that whole day, I tried to memorize everything about you. I tried to memorize the way your eyes twinkled when you talked about something that excited you…like trucks. I tried to memorize every single aspect about you. What it felt like to run my fingers through your hair; what your lips felt like against mine; what your laugh sounded like; what your voice sounded like. But most of all, I tried to memorize the feeling I felt just being with you. You made me whole and complete._

_That feeling is gone now. No matter how much I tried to memorize it, tried to make sure I'd never forget it—it vanished the second you left and was replaced with such a strong feeling of loneliness that I felt completely broken, and I think I still am._

_I'm scared, Keith. Some days I wake up and I can't remember what your laugh sounded like, how your kisses felt against my neck. It scares me. No, it terrifies me. How long will it take until I can't remember you at all? And all I'll have left is a picture. Some days, I don't even want to go to sleep because I'm scared of what will happen if I wake up and can't remember the color of your eyes. And yet, no matter how scared I am to go to sleep, I do, because my dreams are the only place we are together._

_Is it possible to forget what it felt like to love someone? Keith, I don't want to forget what it felt like to be hopelessly in love with you. I don't want to forget anything, but I'm terrified that I already have, that I already am._

_The moment of you taking your last breath still haunts me. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat, heart beating widely and can't fall back asleep. Why is it that some days I can't remember the way you kissed me, but no matter how hard I try to forget, I can still remember the moment of you dying? Do you remember right before you died, you took my hand in yours? Your hand was so cold, so weak. You told me that you'd never leave me, because you'd always be in my heart. Then sarcastically you replied, I was stuck with you forever whether I liked it or not, and that you would never stop loving me. Then, just like that…you were gone, you had left me._

_You know, if it was under different circumstances, I would've thought what you had said was quite cheesy. But, look who's talking, I'm the one writing you a letter on Valentine's Day—a holiday I'm sure you detested. The thing is, I detest it too. Why? Because you're not here to celebrate it with me. I see all of these couples, together on this day, and the pain of losing you is stronger than ever. Because of you, I can't stand this holiday._

_Because of you, I hate it._

_Sometimes, Keith, I hate you. I hate the fact that you came into my life and we fell in love, and then you had to leave me here, all alone. I hate the fact that you're gone and that I have to be the one to move on. _

_I'm sorry._

_Keith, if I were to write, in this letter, everything I wanted to tell you, everything I wanted to say, it would never end. So, really, I only want you to know one thing:_

_My love for you is so strong, that it still lingers even though you're gone. My love for you will never fade, even if my memories do. My love for you will stay with me, in my heart, forever. You're stuck with me._

_Keith, I want you to know that no matter what, I will _**alway**_**s**__ love you and that I will _**never **_stop loving you._

_Partner._

* * *

Snow was still steadily falling as Natalie got out of her car. Carefully, she began to make her way to the one place she had been spending most of her time in the past few days.

When his headstone appeared, she finally felt herself began to feel at ease, finally let herself relax. Being here always did this. Sitting on her knees, she brought her fingers to gently touch his name on the headstone; they lingered there for a few seconds, before she brought her hand down to grab something out of her pocket.

She laid the letter in front of his headstone, placing a small rock in the middle of it so it wouldn't blow away.

"Keith, I want you to read this. No matter what happens, you will always be my first love and will always hold a special place in my heart. I love you."

Later on, when she was walking away, she turned around, just before she knew the headstone would be out of sight. The letter was still there; its corners flapping with the wind. Standing there, staring at it, she felt a weight fall off her shoulders, and for the first time in a while, she felt the corners of her mouth turn up towards a smile.

Finally, she was at peace.

_Fin._


End file.
